Uh-oh.
Ahh!
Whoa!
Aargh!
No!
Ha, ha.
Observers have reported unearthly cries from deep within the crypt.
Whoa, cosmic.
Pi, you don't really buy all that tabloid junk, do you?
Yah. Hey, it's there in black and white!
"King Tut's ghost gives birth to alien baby."
Come on, people, they don't just make this stuff up!
Here we go again.
Remember when he thought he saw Bigfoot on the athletic field?
Give him a break. None of us had met the new girl's gym coach yet.
Scoff if you dare, oh, doubting dudes.
But there is an unseen world of paranormal phenomena all around us...
...aliens, blood-sucking zombies, witches.
The truth is way out there. Cha!
You mean your brain is out there, dufus.
And I think I just stepped on it!
Hey, lay off him, Slugloafe!
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
Gee, I wonder how that happened?
Ah, ignore him, Pi.
So, what do say we all hit the bike trail after school?
-Excellent -Sorry, not me.
My great-uncle Zamboni is coming for a visit...
...and I have to help get the house ready. He's some kind of family big shot.
I found the picture of Uncle Zamboni.
You know, he's more cheerful than I remembered.
I don't get it.
We've had relatives visit before and we've never gone to this much trouble.
Sabrina, Uncle Zamboni is not just any relative.
He's the head of our family, the oldest...
...most powerful warlock in the Spellman clan.
-He's also a giant pain in the tush. -Hilda!
It's an honor that he's visiting us.
Well I, for one, am looking forward to having another man in the house.
Hey, what am I, day-old tuna?
Anyway, I've got plans for Zambo myself.
He has enough pull with the witches' council...
...to get me out of this cat suit.
And that makes him my favorite person.
I just hope he's not still flying that same smelly old chair.
Ha, last one to the pond is a quadratic equation.
Out of my way, brain boy.
Whoa!
- Hey, you okay? - Yeah.
Hey, I saw that. You mess with Pi, you mess with me.
Wait here.
Ow! Oh, man, wasted by a weenie.
If I ever.... Huh?
I.... I.... It's.... It's....
It's a UFO. Harv, Slugloafe, look.
Oh, man, I gotta follow it.
Wait up, UFO amigo. We mean you no harm.
Pesky tree, had no business being there.
Whoa.
Hey, come back.
Whoa. It's landing somewhere in Greendale.
But where?
Uncle Zamboni, welcome.
-It's an honor to have you in our humble-- -Look at this pigsty.
You knew I was coming and you didn't even bother to clean?
Some honor. Hilda, you look terrible.
-I'm Zelda. -Well, that explains it.
-And what did you do, dress in the dark? -Excuse me?
No wonder you can't hold a man, 600 years old and still single.
Tick tock, tick tock.
Hi, Uncle Zamboni. I'm Sabrina.
Oh, yeah, the little half-human.
Fine, I'll speak slowly. Try to keep up.
Who's this, your eating coach?
Sir, I'm Quigley, Sabrina's mortal guardian...
-...and it's a pleas-- -Mortal, eh?
That means you'll be dead soon.
-Or am I too late? -Now see here....
Uh, Uncle Zamboni, would you like something to drink?
-Our casa es su casa. Right? -Sí.
I'll take some seltzer. In a clean glass.
Ah, ha-ha-ha! "Clean glass."
Quite the bon mot.
Sir, your graciousness is exceeded only by your wit.
-What's with the cat? -Oh, now, hardly a cat.
I'm Salem, a warlock tragically held prisoner in a cat's body.
Yeah, well, long as you don't have fleas.
Fleas? Ah, ha-ha-ha!
My, but you are the merry prankster. I'm in!
Uncle Zamboni, I apologize but our, uh, living room is rather small.
May I put your, ahem, chair away for you?
The chair stays. Your furniture goes.
Aah! Our furniture.
Heh. Much better.
-Now, where's my room? -This way.
-Huh? -Quigley, as long as you're alive...
...make me a sandwich. No crusts.
-Kid, get my luggage. -Ahh! Uh.
I think we're off to a great start.
Then it flew over that tree, knocked off this branch...
...and landed somewhere over the hill.
Pi, a broken branch doesn't prove there was a UFO.
Yeah, brainiac, just a UFL, ugly freaky loser.
Hey, if Pi says he saw a UFO, then I believe him.
Thanks, Harv.
Hmm. And if it landed in Greendale, there's gotta be a way to find it.
"The all-new patent-pending Acme ectoplasmometer.
Guaranteed to detect aliens, spirits of the dead...
...and paranormal phenomena of all kinds."
-Looks kind of expensive. -No problemo.
We can make one just as good with some spare bike parts...
...and my mom's jackhammer. Then we'll fire her up and go bust aliens.
-Who's with me? -Cool, I'm in.
I have a rule about extraterrestrials.
They don't bother me, I don't bother them.
-Hey, your loss. Sabrina? -Why not?
-Sounds like fun. -Excellent. We are the creepoid busters.
Striking fear in the hearts of weird things, wherever they hide.
This is a drawing I made of the UFO. Memorize it.
Then tear it up and eat the pieces.
-Why on earth did you say yes? -Oh, I don't know.
Because Pi's my friend and I just hate to see Slugloafe get the last--
-Oh, no! -What's wrong?
Pi didn't see a UFO. He saw my uncle's flying lounge chair.
Chloe, I just volunteered to hunt down my own family.
Zelda!
I'm on it, Uncle Zamboni.
I just turned down your bed, monogrammed your towels...
...and mixed your toe hair conditioner.
Yeah, yeah, but where are my nail clippers?
-I need my nail clippers! -Upstairs on your dresser.
Upstairs? What are they doing there when I'm here?
-Do I have to think of everything? -Right away!
Zam, you're too patient with them.
Hilda, tell Quigley to hurry up with my lunch!
And didn't you finish my list of morning errands yet?
You mean this? I'm about halfway done.
Then why are you talking? Come on! Chop chop!
Excuse me, but these poor girls are working themselves...
...to the bone for you and you don't even have the manners to say thank you.
What makes you think you can treat people this way?
Because I can do this:
Well, I guess he has a point.
Pi, we've been at this for hours.
You know, Harvey's right. Since this obviously won't work...
...why don't we just quit and go for ice cream?
Un poco patience, compadres. It will work.
See, it's sort of like radar but we eliminate the frequencies emitted by the normal.
What's left is the paranormal.
Okay, let's give her some juice.
Whoa. All right.
We've locked onto something paranormal!
Cha!
It's Sabrina.
That's weird.
-It thinks Sabrina is paranormal. -Hmm. And I think I know why.
-You do? -Yeah.
I must've set the wrong base parameters.
It just needs a little tweaking.
- Maybe an alien zapped it. - Nah.
This puppy's fully protected against paranormal tampering.
It's got triple-strength zap shields. Hmm. Might take longer than I thought.
Looks like we're burning the midnight oil, mon frere.
Sabrina, are you doing something different with your hair?
And it's an, uh, ecto-meter-something...
Ectoplasmometer, a common tool used by witch hunters.
So? Just put a spell on it.
I can't. He made it spell-proof.
At least he tweaked it so it doesn't point to me anymore.
He probably adjusted it to pick up full-strength signals only.
You only put out half a signal, since you're only half a witch.
Which doesn't help us much. He's bound to pick up our signals.
Well, let's not panic.
After all, this is Pi we're talking about.
How much of a threat could he be?
Ugh! I can't believe what I'm hearing!
Uh, hi, Uncle Zamboni.
Any threat is a big threat! Witches cannot afford to take chances.
One little slip up and poof, they're roasting marshmallows in your hair!
-We'll have to turn him into a frog. -What?
Ooh, good thinking, Zambo.
Hey, in my warlock days, I used to do that stuff all the time.
Which just might be why you're now coughing up hairballs.
Look, Pi's my friend. I can't turn him into a frog.
-Is there another amphibian you'd prefer? -Uncle Zamboni, please reconsider.
He's just a kid.
Look, I promise I'll keep Pi from finding our secret, somehow.
You've got to give me a chance.
-Got to? -All right, you don't have to...
...but could you, would you, please?
-Well, all right. You got till tonight. -You all hear that?
This man is a saint.
Only because it's time for my back hairs to be plucked.
Whose turn is it now?
Oh, if only I had opposable thumbs.
Something I'd have if I weren't a cat.
Heh, heh, heh. I think he's warming up to me.
This is Galaxy Leader. Nova 1 and Nova 2, do you read me?
-Roger. -Roger.
All right, Novii, let's roll.
Uh, galaxy leader....
Well, you should have gone before we suited up.
We've got a signal. Nova 1, give me a reading.
The red arrow is pointing to the blue wiggly thing.
Excellent. It's a measurable oscillation.
Hey, Sabrina, it looks like it's coming from your 'hood.
Uh, can't be. I already checked my 'hood out this morning.
Nothing there! Zippo! Zilch! It must be somewhere else.
Science doesn't lie. Let's check it out!
Whoa. Another signal. Even closer. That way.
Whew!
Hello and welcome to Jupiter Burger...
...where your meal is out of this world.
-May I take your order? -Cool.
With this equipment we can understand everything he's saying.
It's probably emitting an electromagnetic wave...
...that's undermining the transverse frequencies.
That ought to do it.
All right. This time we got it.
Pi, we've been at this all day.
I don't think we're gonna find anything.
Maybe the UFO left already.
Right, that's what they want you think.
But a true paranormal investigator never gives up.
I'm not saying it wasn't here but there's nothing here now.
Anyway, I'm tired, I'm hungry and I'm going home.
I've gotta go too, Pi. I'm sorry. See you in school.
But we're so close.
-So how'd it go? -I'm a good witch and a bad friend.
- We're safe. - Who did this?
-Now what? -Who touched my chair?
Yeah, who touched the man's chair? That's what I wanna know.
Huh? Ya!
I just cleaned it and fluffed your pillows.
I thought you'd like that.
You thought? Do you know how long it takes...
...to break in a chair like this?
You've ruined centuries of work!
Centuries!
Hm!
Whoa!
Aah!
Ay chihuahua. Nova 1, Nova 1.
Come in. Come in. Harv, man, you gotta pick up!
- What is it, Pi? - I found the motherlode.
Call the newspapers. Call the mayor. Call my mom.
I found the source of the paranormal vibes.
And you won't believe where I am.
Right in front of Sabrina's house!
Hmm. I am not totally displeased.
All right, I'm gonna be big about this.
Even though you fluffed my pillow without permission...
...I won't smite you.
-Is he the greatest or what? -He's a peach.
So, Uncle Zam, speaking of my parole--
-We weren't. -No? Oh, my mistake.
-But as long as we're on the subject now-- -Huh? Oh, no.
Nice work, Sabrina.
When we told you to keep Pi away...
...what we really meant was, bring the entire city.
I don't get it.
That's it. It's frogging time. Everyone croaks.
No! You can't turn everyone into frogs!
Sure I can. Ever heard of Atlantis?
A masterpiece of witchcraft, if I may say so.
Look, kid, we wouldn't have to do this if you'd just frogged...
-...that puny pest in the first place. -But he's my friend!
Friendship is overrated.
How would you know, you sour-faced old bully?
-What? -Er, uh...
...what Sabrina probably meant to say was--
You don't know what it's like to have friends!
The only reason anyone puts up with you is because they're afraid of you.
But I'm not.
You know, kid...
...no one has spoken to me like that in a long, long time.
And now that you have, I realize I hate it.
Hilda, get the cauldron. Zelda, we'll need eye of newt for 40.
Uh, just give me a few minutes to get that much eye of newt together.
Zam, I'm as upset about this as you are.
I can stall for ten minutes. If you can get them out of here...
-...you can save them. -Gulp. In ten minutes?
As I explained, the ectoplasmometer will pick up...
...any paranormal waves within the set focus range.
Now stand back because when I turn it up to full power...
...this baby is gonna go wild.
Just don't be surprised if we find a real alien.
Satellites can pick up and magnify energy, right?
Yeah, I guess. Why?
Hm, if this works, I'm sorry, Pi.
Like I said, it's pointing directamundo to something...
...inside the Spellman house.
Whoa! Now it's coming from over there.
Ugh!
Ooh!
Sorry, Pi.
You're listening to easy109...
...the soft, comfy side of sound.
Aw, it's just radio signals.
Guys, wait.
It just needs a few adjustments. Come back.
I knew he was a loser all along.
I really did pick up a signal. And it was paranormal.
You believe me, don't you, Harv?
I believe that you believe.
Sorry, Pi.
Line them up, it's frogging time.
There's no need, they're gone.
Gone? Excellent.
What did you do? Vaporize them? Ha! Liquefy them? Ha, ha, ha!
- No. They just left. - Left? That's all?
Nobody even got a boil?
I'm gonna help Pi clean his equipment. It's the least I can do.
Help him? She should've turned him into bean dip!
What's this generation coming to?
Whatever happened to family values? It's enough to make you lose faith.
Well, all this excitement has given me an appetite.
Let's see what you got in the fridge.
All right, that's it. I've had all I'm gonna take.
-Hey! What happened to my food? -You ate everything.
Oh, right. And we've been so busy serving you...
...we just haven't had time to shop.
First the little girl talks back to me. Then no eye of newt.
Then no food! That's it!
I'm leaving and none of you will ever see me again!
Zam, I don't even know these people.
I just use the house to keep kitty litter and check my e-mail.
Wait! Zamboni!
-What about me? -What about you?
I need you to talk to the witches' council, you know...
...about turning me back into a warlock.
In your dreams.
So our time together meant nothing to you?
I feel so used.
I guess no one's ever gonna believe me.
-I do, Pi. -Thanks. But you're just being nice.
Wow, I wonder what that thing is?
Huh? Man, oh, man. It's the UFO!
That's it! That's it! But it's getting away!
-Maybe you should take a picture of it. -Right. A picture.
It's the proof I need. I don't have a camera.
-Here, use mine. -Chaa!
Wow. "Alien ship caught on camera!"
That's a UFO? Looks more like my dad's lounge chair.
-Pi, man, I'm sorry I doubted you. -No problemo, amigo.
Come on, Pi. Tell us again how it went down.
It's like I was saying....
Wow, Sabrina, can you imagine? Aliens!
You know, I think I can.
It's a good thing you just happened to be there with a camera.
Hey, what are friends for?
Heh, heh, heh. Freaks!